My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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