I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
