i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We're too hungover to prance.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
