It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
