You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
