Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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