Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
