made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Bring me that man meat
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
