She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I believe in your delicious
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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