i permit you to call me
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
