There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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