so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
