I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
