So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize