I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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