I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
