just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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