Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
