by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize