im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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