I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
