So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
