Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
thus making me awesome and them whores
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
