I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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