sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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