It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
