I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
