Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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