When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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