If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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