I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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