Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i already hear my dad disowning me
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
