You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize