Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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