You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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