so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
