If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My ATM looks so different sober.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
