Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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