If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
