Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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