i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
