The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
