I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize