dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
