Sponge bath it is.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
