If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
this beer tastes like vomit already
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
