I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
