he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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