I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize