I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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