Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
