Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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