You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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