Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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