Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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