I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
