I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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