So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize