I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
