you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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