He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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