my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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