Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
