Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
