actually, I'm a sock model
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
