I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
