You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
