shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Text me some of your sweat
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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