Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
