I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
