I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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