u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
