High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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