due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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