her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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