I don't remember. Are we still dating?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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