Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
