so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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