so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
