TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
