yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
