Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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