my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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