This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
