How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
