had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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