I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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