Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
