If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
