Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
