I got chris browned last night
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
