Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
