laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
