So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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