If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Life is so much better after having sex.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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