i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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