where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
