I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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