I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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