If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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