fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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