i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
