How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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