my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
