you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
